Let me first state, that it is not my better half that is paranoid, but my burglar alarm.

Ok, so I don’t live in a posh area, or even a crime prone area but I have a burglar alarm. I bought the alarm mainly because I am a gadget fan, and have to admit that if a burglar was to break in I would prefer some sort of disablement system, but that is neither safe, or morally correct. 🙂

So I have a burglar alarm and to repeat, mainly as a result of being a gadget fan, and as she has a womans voice, I’m assuming she is female.  🙂

Normally she is quite chilled, relaxed even, watching over the house and contents, reassuring me that no-one has been in and welcoming me home as regular as clockwork.

On Tuesday morning, just as I was rushing out to work, she advised me that one of her sensors was reporting a low battery. I thanked her for this information and made a mental note to replace it when I got a chance. I thought no more about it, and left the house, safe in the knowledge that she was on guard, watching over the house.

That evening, as I came in and out of the house, arming and disarming her, she would helpfully remind me that one of her sensor batteries was still low, and that I should deal as soon as I could.

That night, as we went to bed, I armed her as usual, and she reminded me again that one of her sensor batteries was low, and that I should replace it as soon as possible. Now i’m a bloke, and i understand physics and I know that I have a few days before this event would become critical, so I planned on replacing the battery during the weekend.

So why did I title this blog paranoid woman? Well, either my burglar alarm is paranoid, or she felt like I deserved some sort of lesson. So at 04:45am on Wednesday morning, she decided that I needed reminding that one of her sensor batteries was low 😦 I ignored her and tried to go back to sleep and almost succeeded. But then, at 05:45 she felt the need for another reminder. This time I did not ignore her, but it didn’t matter what I did to disarm her and acknowledge the issue she refused to stop reminding me.

I didn’t have enough time that morning, to replace the battery so I again armed her, and left the house knowing that she was on guard and this time I planned on replacing the battery that evening.

Just to let you know that I bought a clever burglar alarm, it can SMS me, e-mail and call me to advise me if there has been any break-in or error etc. It did seem a really good idea at the time.

So on Wednesday, she decides that  informing me when I am in the house that I needed to replace the battery was not enough oh no. During Wednesday, she was determined that I should not ignore her or forget her needs, and proceeded to call me, text me and e-mail me throughout the day to remind me that I needed to replace the battery. I knew that as soon as I got in on Wednesday evening, that would be my main task.

Now she is a clever beastie, but changing a sensor battery is no easy task, as i have to tamper with her sensor in order to replace the battery. Now it doesn’t matter what I do to disarm her, as soon as I take the cover off the sensor, she is straight on the phone, texting me and e-mailing me to let me know that there is someone tampering with one of her sensors, trouble is I know, because I am the one standing up a ladder who is doing the tampering, and it is for her own benefit otherwise she would still have a low battery.

But finally it is over, I have managed to replace the battery and she is happier. I have answered all the e-mails, and phone calls and texts (even while replacing the battery) and learnt a lesson (never ignore a woman, even if on this occasion she is a machine).

Although I had finished, she hadn’t and as if just to mock me, she sent me one final e-mail on the subject, just to let me know that the battery had been successfully replaced and she was now content.

Paranoia, or does she just really understand the human psyche? 😉